My valentine
by Music of the wind
Summary: It's the day of Tara's funeral and Willow isn't ready to say goodbye. Just when she feels that she's had enough Tara comes to her one more time. Everyone says its a dream but is it? thanks to my beta Lion heart 17


My valentine

_If there were no words, no way to speak I would still hear you. If there were no tears, no way to feel inside I'd still feel for you. Even if the sun refused to shine, even if romance ran out of rhyme you would still have my heart. Until the end of time you are all I need my love, my valentine._

Willow laid down on her bed and closed her eyes. She couldn't believe that Tara was dead. She also couldn't believe what she did to her friends. A single tear fell down her cheek and landed on the blanket.

She hadn't been alone long when Xander came into the room. He sat down on the end of the bed without saying anything for a long time. Finally he asked, "Are you ok, Will? I know what happened these passed few weeks had to have been very painful. Are you up to going to lunch with me and Buffy?"

Willow sniffled softly and shook her head. "I'm tired of feeling! Xander, I'm tired of crying! I wish that this was all a dream! I want Tara back!"

Xander pulled the sobbing witch into a hug. "I know. I know this isn't what you want to hear but Tara wouldn't want you to stop living just because she's gone. We all miss her, Will. We all do."

Willow pulled back and stared into Xander's eyes. "I know you are right. It's just… so… so hard… to… say… goodbye."

Xander kissed Willow's forehead. "It's ok. You don't have to be ready yet. Giles said we could hold off the funeral service and burial until you are. Even when you do say goodbye you'll see her again. This isn't goodbye. She's always in your heart. She'll never truly leave you. Feel better?"

Willow sighed. "A little better. It helps to know she didn't really leave me. I still miss her. I still hate that this happened. I still wish that I could bring her back. When will it stop hurting to remember?"

Xander took his friend's hand. "Give it time. I know right now remembering the things you did together is painful. I can promise you that one day you'll wake up and you'll remember and you'll be able to laugh and smile. It might be a month, it might be two months, and it might take a year or two. There are two things you learn when someone you love dies. The first is love never ends. The second is you will always love the person so you'll always miss them."

Willow smiled sadly. "Thank you, Xander. I think Tara would want me to let her go now. Tell Giles I'm ready for the service."

Xander nodded. "I'll let him know. Do you need anything?"

Willow smiled her first real smile in days. "I need you to leave so I can get dressed."

Xander laughed and then asked. "Should Buffy and I wait for you?"

Willow answered, "You guys go on ahead. I need a minute."

_All of my life I have been waiting for all you give to me. You opened my eyes and showed me how to love unselfishly. I've dreamed of this a thousand times before. In my dreams I couldn't love you more. I will give you my heart until the end of time. You are all I need my love my valentine._

After Xander was out of the room Willow grabbed Tara's blanket and hugged it close. It still smelled like her. Tears ran down her cheeks as she took a deep breath. This scent held so many precious memories.

Flashback: Willow and Tara were in the dorm room sitting on the bed. It was the day after Joyce's funeral. Willow turned to Tara and asked. "What did I have for breakfast this morning?"

Tara cocked an eyebrow "Why do you want to know, baby?"

Willow smiled. "It's a journal. I don't want to forget anything I do with you. I know you had eggs. They wiggled at me like little boobs."

Tara laughed. "Those sassy eggs."

End flashback:

Willow was brought out of the memory by a soft female voice calling her name. She jumped and felt a cold shiver run down her back. She knew that voice. In a voice tight with tears she answered, "Tara? Baby is that you?"

The voice answered, "Yeah it's me. I can't stay long. Shh….don't cry. I just had to make sure you knew how much I love you. I saw you try to bring me back. I watched everything. It broke my heart to see you hurt so much."

Hearing this Willow broke down into sobs. Once she had control she sniffled. "Can I hug you?"

Tara smiled at her lover. "Of course you can. Now, when I go away, Willow, remember I'm always with you. Even if you can't see me I'm always right here. I only have a few minutes. I'm sorry I can't stay longer, baby."

Willow smiled through her tears. "You've shown me so much. I don't know what I'd do without you. You are my always."

Tara sighed. "My time has passed. Willow, I know you can do this. Everything in this world is for a reason. Be brave. Being brave doesn't mean you can't miss me. Being brave just means you turn to your friends when you need them. I love you. Do you think you can do that for me?"

Willow nodded even though tears ran down her cheeks. She hugged Tara close one last time. Right before the blonde witch disappeared she whispered in her lover's ear, "That's my girl. You'll always have my heart. I will love you until the end of time."

After Tara disappeared Willow heard a knock on the door. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and opened it. Buffy was standing outside. "Willow. Xander and I waited for you. What happened?"

Willow sighed. "Tara came to me. She wanted to say goodbye."

Buffy put her hand over her mouth. Then she pulled her friend into a tight hug. "Oh my god. Are you ok?"

Willow smiled. "In a way it makes me feel better. I told her how much I loved her. She told me that she was watching over me. She knew that I tried to bring her back. She told me to be brave. Just getting to hug her one more time made me feel a little stronger, Buffy. It's almost like she's still with me giving me that little extra push I need to get through the day."

Buffy nodded. "I know the feeling. Sometimes when things get really hard I just close my eyes and its like mom is still there. Now, since you missed lunch Xander made pancakes. They aren't nearly as good as Tara's though. Will? Are you ok?"

Willow sighed. "Fine, Buffy. I'm just fine."

Willow sat up with a start when she felt someone shaking her shoulder. She opened her eyes. "Buffy? Why aren't you and Xander at lunch? I thought you said he was making pancakes?"

Buffy sighed. "Will, you were talking in your sleep. It's three in the morning. Tara's funeral is today. I know how much you miss her, but…"

Willow cut her off. "Don't you dare! Don't tell me you know how it feels. You don't, Buffy. You never could. You don't know what its like to dream of something and then have it all taken away. I loved her so much, Buffy. In my dream she looked so real. She was standing right in front of me. I need her here, Buffy. I need her in my arms."

Buffy nodded. "Like you told her after the incident with Glory, I will always find you. Willow, I know today is going to hurt. I know today is going to push your limits to the end. Be brave though. Be strong. What was it she used to tell you?"

Willow sniffled and then answered with a half smile. "Strong like an Amazon. Yes, like the Amazon. I'll be ok, Buffy. You can go back to sleep. I just need to do one thing first."

After Buffy went to sleep she looked up at the stars and whispered, "Tara, baby, I miss you so much. Save a little piece of that light for me. I love you. You are everything to me. You are my heart, my soul, and my valentine. Buffy is right, today isn't goodbye. You are always with me. With you beside me there is nothing I can't do. I will be strong like an Amazon. You are my Amazon."


End file.
